Having Sex for the First Time

Every life is full of firsts. And for many, the first time you have sex is one of the most exciting and daunting!

What to expect

Everyone’s first time is different!

A lot can depend on the situation and your sexual partner.

It’s common to be nervous. In fact, it would be strange if you weren’t!

So, the best advice is to relax and take your time. If that’s not possible, it might be better to postpone the experience to another time when you can.

Like many life-skills, sex is something which can be awkward at first and it takes time to be comfortable with. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner.

Particularly if your partner is also a virgin, its very important that you ensure you have their consent. Nerves are normal but – regardless of what they say – if they appear uncomfortable or scared, stop.

Its not always like the movies

Both romantic films and pornography will often paint a picture of sex between new partners of being effortless, long lasting and adventurous. But this is rarely the case.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner to perform. Enjoy the experience safe in the knowledge no one gets it ‘right’ first time.

Stick with a position which is comfortable for both partners – such as missionary with the woman laid on her back and the man on top.

Don’t feel the pressure to live up to any expectations. If you’re young, it’s likely you’re both nervous and self-conscious. Enjoy the moment.

Does it hurt?

The first time you have sex it may hurt a little, feel good or both. That’s natural.

For women, you may feel some discomfort. That’s perfectly normal as you’re probably experiencing a very new sensation. It can feel odd, awkward, pleasurable and super sensitive all at the same time.

Inside a woman’s vagina is a thin piece of tissue called the hymen. The first time a penis or finger is inserted, it can stretch and break leading to a little bleeding. It doesn’t happen for everyone and it typically passes. If it doesn’t, have a chat with us.

Unlike in the movies, penises don’t always slide effortlessly into a woman vagina! It’s natural to not have quite enough vaginal lubrication and can take a little time for a woman to become fully wet, especially when nervous. Forcing things can become painful for both partners.

Take your time prior to penetration to ensure you’re both fully turned on. A little water-based lubricant (or water itself) may be a good idea to help things along – and lubrication generally heightens the sensation too!

If you’re having anal sex for the first time, lubrication is essential. It is normal to experience some pain or discomfort which may again pass with experience. Whilst some people find it very pleasurable, some people do not enjoy anal sex and that’s fine too.

The first time you have sex, it’s normal to worry about how you will perform. Men often worry about the size of their penis, not being able to get an erection, ejaculating too quickly or not cuming at all. Women may worry about their body, their vagina, becoming wet enough or reaching an orgasm.

It’s all perfectly natural! Sex can be inconsistent and doesn’t always run smoothly no matter how long you’ve been doing it.

Going slowly and making sure you’re both relaxed is very important. Remember, your partner is probably far too nervous about their own performance to worry about yours!

Nobody should have sex that feels uncomfortable or painful. If something hurts, stop. If you experience recuring pain that doesn’t go away, contact us and we’ll help.

Is it possible for a penis to not fit into a vagina?

Yes, it’s possible, but not very common.

Men and women come in all shapes and sizes, so there is always the chance that sexual partners don’t feel entirely compatible. However, the vagina is pretty stretchy and can accommodate most penises.

Sometimes a penis can go too deep and hit the cervix at the back of the vagina. The solution is typically to try an alternative position, go a little slower or ask your partner not to put their penis in as deep.

Much of the discomfort or awkwardness you may feel is likely due to the fact it is your first time. With a little more practise – and once you’re a little more relaxed – things may start to fit and flow more easily!

Be prepared!

Yes, you can get pregnant the first time you have sex!

Yes, you can get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) the first time you have sex!

You’re first time should be exciting and pleasurable, so taking precautions to avoid unplanned pregnancy and infections should be top of your to-do list.

Condoms are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy and the very best defence against receiving or passing on infections during sex.

Remember, many STI are symptomless for some, so you and your partner may not be able to tell you have one until you pass it on.

Pregnancy can occur whenever semen (cum) gets close to a woman’s vagina, so make sure you put on the condom before you go near your partner. Men often produce something called pre-cum when they get erect which can also contain sperm.

If a man is concerned about ejaculating too early, a condom (particularly a thicker or extra-safe one) can also help slow down the process.

Most condoms are pre-lubricated but again some additional lubricant can help things flow smoothly, especially if you’re both nervous.


Above all, when you first have sex, relax and enjoy the experience.

Use a condom to protect both yourself and your partner from unwanted outcomes.

Remember, it’s entirely normal to be nervous and it highly unlikely it will go perfectly the first time. Respect your partner and have fun together!